Episode 8 - Freedom is on the Other Side of Fear

Hope you have had an amazing week. On our side, we’re currently in a state of flux. Change is happening, and we’re ready. All we know is it’s going to come, whether you want to or aren’t prepared.

The same feelings we have about life currently, we remember all of those days and nights in the Jeep. All those shifts of “you gotta survive” eventually turned out alright. However, as many of you know ride share drivers only make a decent wage if they double down on both Uber and Lyft to support themselves. That was never our case, but doing multiple 12 hour shifts in a week put everything into perspective. Was this enough to keep the dream alive after burning all of your bridges? Would better days come or was I playing my own fool?

We never desired to drive for Lyft, Uber or any transportation service after 2023. We tried to quit almost every six months, because larger opportunities became accessible. Please keep in mind, the whole time I’m moonlighting as a ride share driver, I’ve got a full time job.

In 2022 I was promoted. A pay bump came along, but not large enough to help dig myself out of my financial burdens. So I kept driving. 2023 was a tale of two parts of the year. The time before I quit my high paying engineering job with NASCAR, and the time after. It’s wild, I literally quit the same year Jim France poured me a glass of wine at the Motorsport Hall Of Fame. Roger Penske stared me down, with the whites of his eyes boiling...It was epic. The same year I won awards, accolades and was granted access to parties in the Hollywood Hills, 2023, was also the year the hatred towards my shining star started bringing out the jealousy in my coworkers and treachery in my so called friends. I didn’t care at the time. I finally proved to myself and to millions of adoring race fans, I could put on a show. But for me, that wasn’t enough. For me, I needed the world to know I wasn’t just a face or voice behind the scenes. Thus, I created my third company, Moonlight Mango. I grew tired of people trying to play me small. Hell, I got tired of playing myself small. Had a lot of opportunities to take my career to the next level. People in music dug my vibe and professionalism, thus wanted to recruit me. People in motorsport were starting new teams, so they wanted my talents to help manage the task of beginning something new. Overall, I had secured a software contract through a solid business relationship I developed back in 2018, and even though the deal was for 6-8 months, the money that came with it was hand over fist much more than NASCAR was offering me. I was on a roll, and ready to roll the dice again. Little did I know how fast stuff would change. Gambling on your talent is not for the weak.

Time passes on, and all the pomp and circumstance left me by mid 2024. I was on my own, for real. Building a new consultancy wasn’t hard. Managing people, expectations and egos were. And unfortunately, I felt jaded. I’m back driving Lyft, again. Now, instead of the 4-6 hours a night, I’m outside 12 hours a day. The software contract money is done after paying my contractors and fees, and nothing is moving forward with new business. I’m back to square one, except one undeniable truth. I wanted to win at the game of life badder than anyone else. More than my business partners, more than those I had to give countless rides too. Quintana was already accustomed to transporting people beachside, she would have to put in extra effort. Plus, worst case scenario I now have an outlet to test the new music we would record overnight before I jumped back on the Lyft clock again. So I drove. I still made calls and texts to my old racing buddies to keep in touch, but for now I was in a place where I ultimately didn’t want to bother many people. I made these decisions, removing myself from the safety of corporate structure, making life hard, cause that’s all I ever knew. I’ve been chauffeuring whoever wanted a ride since I was 16. I didn’t mind the driving. Until it almost killed me.

2024 Moonlight Mango Fleet

One random Monday afternoon, I drop off this disgruntled grandma back at her senior living facility. She was mad at Lyft but decided to take it out on me, because my Jeep, Quintana, was in her words, “too lifted”. Quintana Pt 2 was a Jeep Wrangler 4XE Sahara, more or less standard from the factory. I understood and sympathized with her frustration on Lyft not being receptive to her request. So after helping her in the Jeep, I helped her right back out. She canceled the ride. No worries. I’m out here another four hours, there will be other opportunities. As I leave her complex looking for the next customer, a sharp pain jolts through my upper left hip and into my lower back. Then, the pain jumps to the opposite side of my spine. I’m in traffic, decelerating when these unwarranted discomforts occur and I had to put two feet on my brakes, cause my right leg muscles started spazzing out. Fuck, that was scary!

I turn off the meter and decide I’ve pushed my body too far. This wasn’t normal, but nothing in my life at the time was. I needed to be outside, or else I wouldn’t have the money for a couple past due bills. But no amount of late fee was worth my personal safety. I head back beachside, to take a nap. I figured this was an anomaly and my body would settle down. I head back out that night. Everything is going smooth. Plus, I was getting customers near Disney World, and thankfully their tips made up for my impromptu break. I hit my target and headed home. I do all the research I could on why that happened, but wasn’t getting clear answers. I go back out that next morning. Not even two rides in after taking a mother to work and her daughter to daycare, the sharp pains come back. “No, no not right now” I mutter to myself under my breath. I’m now stressed. Growing up, I spent months in the hospital for one reason or another. I felt like this was just like those times. My body was failing me, yet again. Or, was I failing it? Since I left NASCAR, I was rolling the dice a lot on my health. And with no clear indication the music was gonna take off, or any new contracts for software being renewed, I started to get scared.

What in the fuck was I thinking? Just a year prior, I was on top of the world. Now, I wanted to prove I was Billy Bad Ass and got whooped by my decisions to do things my way. I started loathing having to drive my gorgeous car to give rides for money. I wasn’t stripping, but it damn sure didn’t feel any different. Plus, in 2024, everything started shifting for the negative, for a lot of people I knew, so I didn’t want to wallow in self pity. I had to take action. Something had to break open for me, cause it wasn’t for a lack of trying that nothing was going right. I thought something great would have started by that point in time, something revolutionary. No, unfortunately not. I switched my driving schedule around to give myself proper breaks. I went onto a college campus to try and sell my textbooks. I even opened an Ebay store and listed some of my collected art, cause I just was in a bind and if I’m not healthy, I cannot serve. Plus, truth be told I started realizing I’m too reliant on others to make things happen, when they were never responsible for my success. I couldn’t be mad at them, that would be selfish of me. I had to own up to it, I bit off more than I could chew.

But in the eleventh hour, when hope felt lost in 2024, a single text message came through. My mentor, who helped me secure the software contract reached back out to check on me and see what I had on my plate for the year. Overwhelmed with joy, but not wanting to sound desperate, I let him know I had availability if he knew of any engineering work I could help consult on.

That one text message got me to an open test day at Sebring International Raceway. I wasn’t sure what people would think, but I didn’t care. I’m back doing what I always loved. Racing. I’m back. And I’m now running the car as a lead engineer, not just a data guy. By the way, the term “data guy” is as offensive to me as the “N” word, for personal reasons. But I digress, being back was so enthralling. Even if for a two day test. I got to taste what I had been denied by NASCAR, denied by my driving of Lyft, denied from a dream delayed. Freedom.

Being at the racetrack is freedom to me because its in my DNA. I wanted nothing more than to be able to race under my own terms, with people who cared about me. I knew in the long run, this team I was testing with, I couldn’t be added to their roster, but that didn’t matter. I just needed a change of scenery, and the ability to lead. That two day test paid the rest of my bills for the month of April. And when I returned to the beach, I remembered something I desperately forgotten. I’m still a consultant. I’m still a race engineer. No job title, no corner office, no music studio, no temporary software gig, no amount of Lyft driving could change who I am at my core. A racer. From that day forward, I promised to never forsake racing again, no matter who’s trying me. I prayed all those years ago for opportunities to just go to a race, now people are texting me to fly me out. My hard work was never in vain, and I needed to go through those hardships with Lyft to appreciate where my destiny lies. Just couldn’t see the full picture. Two months after that test, I won my first race, back at the track with a different team in a similar Aston Martin.

2024 Mid Ohio VPRC Race 1 - 1st Place 🥇