Episode 6: They’re Not Gonna Pay you.

The worst moments in life for us were waiting on the payday. Nothing is owed. That was such a slap in the face. Self- made mistake. Nothing is owed to you, and even if it is, someone will exploit you quickly for knowing what gets you to respond. It’s not the money, it’s what you create with it. That’s why they won’t pay you.

Hate not getting paid on time. Or not getting paid in general. You would think, you suffered enough early in life so you wouldn’t need so much suffering in the present? Especially when driving Lyft. You think living in Florida, especially near Disney World you would have constant rides? No. There are dead periods. Minutes, sometimes hours of roaming and waiting. That’s never fun. I’m out here to do a job, right? That’s all I wanna do. I don’t wanna hang here, physically or mentally. People see the Jeep and get nervous. It’s set up that way, cause I gotta do this in the first place. Risking it. This just increases the risk. The thoughts you have in your head when you’re not in the midst of a ride. Everything irritates you.

Lyft was the last gig that birthed my unlimited hustler theory. But before coming to conclusions on work ethic, let me make this clear. Waiting for business to choose me is my pet peeve. And very tough to personally manage. Waiting feels personal, especially since they tell us not to think about it as so. Mostly, it’s my own fault. Never could stay on the hamster wheel of corporate safety. Expectations on me have always been high throughout life, now I project those same expectations onto society. That’s a losing battle. for multiple reasons. It hurts worse when self-belief, distrust in the system, and self indulgence causes you to be broke. My whole existence has felt high risk, high reward. I never took the easy route, and accepted unrealistic challenges to prove to myself I “could”. Now that we’re in the protection phase, far away from those dark, indigo lit, neon lights roaming beachside for hours on end.

Pull over into a parking lot, but that Lyft app somehow knew, if I’m not moving I’m not trying. Could leave the beach, and head to the O. But that wasn’t the point, when even though the beach got boring, the average earnings were better. so with knowledge, some patience developed. But that was just to keep myself psyched up. This is the 4th time I’ve passed this Publix. Should I get something to eat?

As time went on, my Lyft rating improved, and I put in more hours to figure out how to earn a dollar. The silent killer to the whole scheme, I’m not being healthy at all. I’m working two careers at once, not exercising, scraping checks together to barely make what I made easily when I was independent and working for a race team. So much frustration and regret swelled in my chest. I’m still riding, looking for someone, anyone? Isn’t there a granny who needs to go pick up her prescription?

The waiting has always been part of the game. That’s the uncomfortable truth. If you want to be great, you gotta wait. Whether it be for money, title, fame, whatever your personal desire to be acknowledged by more than your parents. The fucked up truth about it all,

You have absolute freedom

While you wait.

And sometimes, when you’re in a money mission to improve your situation,

And nothing is moving the way it’s played out in your head,

You have too much free time.

And you begin to resent it.

Cause you’re useful. You know it.

But that’s exactly why you gotta sit down.

Cause of your impatience.

You’re chasing the wrong thing

The money

That’s why they won’t pay you.

Cause you’re too focused on the problem

And not the solution.

What’s your solution? How?

That’s where the experience comes in

What do you do when the situation

Feels impossible?

How do you make it through?

Damn, takes me back.

Back to a younger me.

When I didn’t try hard enough

When I gave up because I was scared

When I ran away, from who I was meant to be.

Moved on quick. So I couldn’t reflect.

Didn’t want to pass blame.

But didn’t want to admit,

Failure happens more than I like.

But that’s also part of the game.

And I was learning quick.

The boring, waiting times,

We’re preparing me for the rush.

They prepared me for the hard decisions

They forced me into unwavering prayer.

But it was truly a test.

How much would I unclench

My butt cheeks,

In order to live as I see fit?

Keep driving. You’re on the pursuit of happiness, as Kid Cudi once sang.

You still owe it to 21 year old you. You still owe it to 19 year old you. You still owe it to 7 year old you. Don’t let him down. Nor those who are actively showing love. Do your best. That’s all they ask. So, I had to shift my mind on those lonely nights. Had no choice, which made the task riskier. If I don’t do these hours, my lights get cut off. If I don’t do these hours, I won’t have the rent money. If I don’t do… almost did me in.

So you keep going. You get creative. You don’t allow your mind to slow down, just your body. You still fight for ways out, but stay with the routine.

So take that with you my friends. When the going gets tough, don’t get in your head too much about it. The wait is preservation and preparation. The only thing you can control is what you can do with the resources you have.

Become who you say you will. And find ways to remain human. No matter if the world sees you as superhuman, or supervillain.

Forever. Be true to you.

Waiting for it is ok.

Cause you still gotta figure out

That Billion dollar question.

What are you gonna do?

Once it arrives?

Will your mind still be in the place it was back then?

Or have the trials and tribulations given you a wisdom: to never feel that way again?

Bing 🛎️ Bong

The bell tolls for you.

What will you do?